If a man was in a position where he’s focused on his mother’s needs and does what he is able to to please her, it is more likely to show that he or she is emotionally entangled with your ex. This will mean that although he’s physically outside of her, he will not emotionally outside of her.
At a psychological level, then, he won’t understand the difference between his needs with the exceptional mother’s needs, or where he begins and ends or where his mother begins and ends. As a result of this, his survival will likely be attached to his mother.
If there are special goggles that can pick up precisely what is taking place at a psychological level, they would reveal that his emotional self is depressed by his mother’s emotional self. At this level, there will probably be no difference between them.
To go a little more forward, there might be strings or waves of one’s energy going from him to his mother. Most with the man’s life force are going to be going to his mother as well as drain him of the items he should live a fulfilling life.
One approach to see his mother will be to say that she actually is an energy vampire. She won’t have accessibility to much of her very own life force, this is why she will must use most, if not completely, of her sons.
Most likely, this really is something that will need place unconsciously, and thus she will not be aware of how destructive her behaviour is. Deep down, she could feel that her son’s purpose is usually to be there on her behalf and that she actually is entitled to his support.
Due that the he won’t have a very sense of himself to be an individual, being there for his mother will feel relaxed. He could believe that this really is the right thing for him to perform.
So, although he will likely be neglecting himself with the exceptional own life, this defintely won’t be something that sticks out. Still, this really is not to state that he won’t get frustrated and angry on occasion, but, he could typically deny how he feels.
Ignoring himself and working on his mother defintely won’t be serving him but he’ll seldom allow himself to acknowledge precisely what is going on. If he does hook up to himself, he could soon turn out feeling guilty and becoming anxious and fearful.
It are going to be as if she has opened up Pandora’s Box and he’s going to do what he is able to to close it again; to disconnect from himself. Thus, this moment of inner awareness will quickly be over, with him going back to emphasizing his mother’s needs.
The Same Old Story
How he behaves for an adult may very well be a continuation of how he to behave during his early years. This was probably a stage of his life when his mother used him to fulfil a few unmet adult and childhood needs.
There can be a strong chance she was in an undeveloped state – whilst still being is – and that is why she unconsciously saw her son as a possible extension of herself. Instead of seeing him as a possible adult, due to a defence mechanism generally known as transference, she would have witnessed him being a parental figure.
His physical needs as well as perhaps some of his emotional needs were met, hence why he or she is still alive, but he wouldn’t have received what he was required to develop a strong a sense of self also to start the individuation process. This is why he’s going to look like a grownup but he’s going to feel like a kid deep down.
He should have been enmeshed to his mother when he was developed, and, when he didn’t obtain nutrients he needed to receive to develop and develop, he’s going to have stayed on this state. Thus, he hasn’t just become “enmeshed” to his mother during his adult years; he’s got always been by doing this.
It could be easy to focus purely about the part that his mother played in terms of how he experiences life but this might overlook the part that his father played. His father mightn’t have been around now of his life, if he was, he probably wasn’t emotionally available.
Assuming that they was around but wasn’t emotionally available – present – it could have meant which he wasn’t there to make him beyond his mother’s world and also to give him the support and guidance that they needed to start the individuation process. His aggression/fight instinct, a vital part products would have given him the drive to separate also to live his personal life, can have been disowned on account of his need to impress his mother as well as the trauma he experienced.
Furthermore, his father can have acted that he was a part of his mother and done what he could to impress her. Indirectly, his father would’ve further enforced the vista that his purpose was to impress his mother.
She wouldn’t are already the centre on the universe but she might have been the centre of his and his awesome father’s world. To finish it, if he didn’t do what his mother wanted, his father can have threatened to harm him or he could have harmed him.
Nowhere to Turn
Instead of protecting and standing up for his son, he could have been a lot more like his mother’s enforcer. This is very likely to illustrate that his father was outside of touch with his or her own power and lacked the cabability to assert himself.
Both parents wouldn’t are making it clear that neither his needs nor his self was bad knowning that he was here to live their own life. He was upset by a couple who were undeveloped and beyond touch using true self.
If men can connect with this and he could be ready to change his life, he may should reach out for external support. This is an issue that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, comes from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all facets of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over year 2000, 900 in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along along with his sound advice.